A Treasured Weakness: Anxiety

I have been reminded over the last several weeks that my physical and mental health has limits. Certain tasks that once were not a struggle, were pushing my physical body to limits I'd never experienced before. While I am aware that my physical ailments could be significantly worse and I'm very thankful my doctor is confident we can get my body back to normal, these struggles left my mental health in a place it hadn't been to in a very long time. While the physical struggles only started a few weeks ago, the anxiety has slowly been creeping its way back to me over the course of this year.

Anxiety isn't a stranger to me, but I'd never been in this close of a relationship with it. There are some who believe anxiety to be like a faucet that you can just turn off. If only it were that uncomplicated. God designed the human body so intricately and the brain is of the most powerful parts. I share this to say that I believe and have experienced anxiety to be a very real struggle.

I also very much believe the enemy of the Lord is an active being. He knows we are our own worst critics. I have caught myself believing lies over the last several weeks that I know are not true, but the enemy can make a believable case, right? Sometimes a case so convincing that you begin to think it's true. I'm thankful for a husband who I am so comfortable with that I can share the darkest lies about myself and he not only shuts them down, but replaces them with the Truth.

Almost a year ago, the Lord used a tough counseling session to help me begin to release some insecurities I didn't even know I was hanging on to. Since then, He's continued to help me be brave in many ways. I'm reminded lately though, that bravery can look different in each season of life. While I've been brave this past year in bigger ways; lately, my "brave" looks like pushing through the verge of a panic attack while doing a basic task.

The last several weeks have been physically and mentally hard, but I honestly don’t think I’d change anything. In the midst of my weaknesses, my need for Jesus has been magnified more than ever. My faith and dependency on Him has strengthened because he is the only thing sustaining me at times.

Every day is different and I'm thankful that the last few have seemed to have held less and less anxiety. I am praying and trusting that each day is exactly how the Lord wills it because I know that his plan is fuller than mine. So, while I don't understand why things happen in this life, I can treasure the struggles because I know that they are refining me to be more like Christ.

I can treasure my weaknesses because I have a hope in the only one who can use them for his glory.